new emt with bad calls

[EMT7489]

i recently received my emt license im 19 years old and am working for a volunteer department and some of the recent calls I have had have really been bothering me first of the three of them was we picked up a 48 y/o fm patient who when we picked her up was fine and was talking with all of us but then once we got her in the back she seemed to take a turn for the worse and died right in front of me and my partner (we were riding three since im new with the partner) and I started cpr while he hooked up the AED but we ended up not being able to bring her back at all and neither was the hospital she ended up dying by some heart condition the hospital said, my partner got all the info from the hospital and told me not to wry about it we did everything we could but i still feel like i could have done something more im not sure if this feelings normal but this call has really torn me up inside. The next call which was 2 nights later really early in the AM and arrived on scene to find a mother in tears holding her baby who was long gone by the time we had gotten on the scene rigamortis had set in. and the mother was crying out her eyes and this call just seemed to hit me just as hard as the last one and has been causing me to lose much sleep and the last call which was later on that day around midnightish was a call for a 16 year old girl who was an obvious child abuse patient and had run away from home she had marks on her head and was bleeding and she would flinch and cower whenever we tried to do anything whether take a blood pressure or lower the stretcher and we get her to the hospital and she so afraid of her parents she doesn’t want any treatment from the hospital who is just willing to let her walk right back onto the street. I’ve never seen my partners get so mad at hospital staff before and so angry. All these calls affected me greatly and still are I figured id post and try and find some sort of relief like is this normal to all and do you ever get any rewarding calls or just more along this line.

[Walker 55]

sounds like a rough start.. hang in there, not all calls will be so bad. I know how you feel.. I remember my first patient that died.. it really messed me up too. The rewarding calls will come and you will get some patients who truly appreciate what you do.

[ILEMT23]

That sure is a rough start to your career...and you have every right in the world to be uncomfortable with what you've seen. It's good to see you care, don't let these bad experiences take that away from you either. But the best thing you can do is just jump right back on the rig and go on to the next call. Because soon enough you'll have the calls that remind you just why you got the license in the first place. This is one of the greatest jobs in the world, and ****ty calls are the unfortunate trade off. The first time you truly make a difference it'll make it all worth it! And on a final note, if those calls keep bothering you it'd be a good idea to talk to one of the veterans on your ambulance too.

[emt161]

Ugh, my eyes hurt now.

[CanadianPCP]

WOW! That is a bad start. Best thing you can do is talk about it. I think after those three calls, I would be losing some sleep over it as well. If you were not feeling bad or not thinking about these kind of calls, then I would say there might be a reason to worry. Since you have been affected by it, that is showing you care! You will get those calls that make you feel like the happiest person in the world! Give it time:)

[Fairyqueen]

I would worry if these things didn't effect you. We are not there for the fun and pretty times in peoples lives. We see too much of the bad. I think the questions you should be asking yourself if this job is too overwhelming. It's fine to think about calls and wonder if you could have done something different but if you can't get passed it and it's effecting your daily life then you should seek help.

One think that helps me is to think of this. No matter what your beliefs or religon is, it is obvious that there is a higher power out there. We know how to make a heart beat. we know how to move blood to organs. Doctors can keep a body alive for years. But we can't put into them that one spark that is life.

[OSUEMT]

You just seemed to have several bad calls in a row. Don't run away yet. There are very many rewarding calls. Like a pt. that crashes and is a full code and you work it and bring 'em back and 2 weeks later get a card at the station saying that they are fine and thanking you for all that you do.

Or the time that you are out grabbing a bite to eat while on duty and a young child comes up to you and says: "wow, you guys are awesome"

It's the stuff like that that never gets old. It really renews your faith in the job. You will be fine :)

[CH47Doc]

the best thing to do is to TALK about it with someone. find one of the 'old heads' and ask em if they got a minute, pull him/her aside and yap at em. we all have calls we will never forget for whatever reason. the biggest mistake we can make is to not talk about it. i have 2 calls that really bugged me and to some extent still do. one was a CPR in progress, 9 yr old girl pushin on her mom. mom was a chf'r, diabetic and copd'r. she had a heart attack in the bathroom at home and the girl heard her hit the floor. she landed on such a way as to block the bathroom door. the girl broke the door down, literally, to get to her mom and called 911. they started pre-arrival instructions but it was to no avail. the FD got on scene first by about a minute and called it. when we got there a fireguy said that we needed to talk to the girl because she was just a zombie. she was standing with some neighbors/friends and i went to talk to the adults first. well heres the part that always gets me. im getting info about the patient from the neighbors and the girl reaches up and grabs my jacket pocket, i look down and she says, "i did all i knew how to do". that one line just absolutley tore my heart out. she thought it was her fault because she wasnt strong enough to help her mom. her parents were divorced and her dad had dropped her off at her moms that morning so they could go to an amusement park together. it was the girls birthday.

[emt12]

talk to someone in your department that has been on the job for 30+ years and has seen it all. they will give you some advice. sorry about the bad start.

stay safe,
emt12

[That Volunteer EMT Guy]

I'm pretty new to EMS and I think I've been pretty lucky so far. I've definitely seen some things that made me kind of sad afterwards (drug addicts, old ladies with no family looking after them), but nothing I think will stay with me a long time. No dead peds yet, thank goodness. I definitely went into EMS with my eyes open, expecting to see some messed up stuff, but figuring I can handle it when it happens. I think the kind of person who lasts in EMS is the sort that finds people's guts hanging out pretty cool (at least intellectually), and I've definitely got that scientific curiosity streak in me. And hey, I figure sometimes you can't really help people, but in your career you get to save way more people than you lose.

[RescueYou]

i recently received my emt license im 19 years old and am working for a volunteer department and some of the recent calls I have had have really been bothering me first of the three of them was we picked up a 48 y/o fm patient who when we picked her up was fine and was talking with all of us but then once we got her in the back she seemed to take a turn for the worse and died right in front of me and my partner (we were riding three since im new with the partner) and I started cpr while he hooked up the AED but we ended up not being able to bring her back at all and neither was the hospital she ended up dying by some heart condition the hospital said, my partner got all the info from the hospital and told me not to wry about it we did everything we could but i still feel like i could have done something more im not sure if this feelings normal but this call has really torn me up inside. The next call which was 2 nights later really early in the AM and arrived on scene to find a mother in tears holding her baby who was long gone by the time we had gotten on the scene rigamortis had set in. and the mother was crying out her eyes and this call just seemed to hit me just as hard as the last one and has been causing me to lose much sleep and the last call which was later on that day around midnightish was a call for a 16 year old girl who was an obvious child abuse patient and had run away from home she had marks on her head and was bleeding and she would flinch and cower whenever we tried to do anything whether take a blood pressure or lower the stretcher and we get her to the hospital and she so afraid of her parents she doesn’t want any treatment from the hospital who is just willing to let her walk right back onto the street. I’ve never seen my partners get so mad at hospital staff before and so angry. All these calls affected me greatly and still are I figured id post and try and find some sort of relief like is this normal to all and do you ever get any rewarding calls or just more along this line.

That's a rough start. I promise that not all calls are that hard to handle and you'll have many calls where you save the person's life in time. Your first call was just bad luck. It really was and there was truly nothing else you could have done. Your 2nd call had to be hard. Not a single person enjoys pediatric calls. I don't try to avoid them like some do, but I definitely don't eagerly volunteer to take them. Kids and babies are stressful calls. But watching a mother like that has got to be painful. And you last one may have hit closer to home since she was only a few years younger than you. Abuse situations are not only dangerous, but they create tension b/w the EMTz, PD, and family. It's so hard to just let the patient go when you know what they are going back into. There really isn't anything you can do though and that's one of the hardest parts of this field. I don't blame your partners for fighting with the staff. I would have too.

It's perfectly normal for you to feel the emotions you do. Anger, bitterness, resentment, hurt, disappointment, fear, sadness, restlessness, and depression are very common emotions for someone to experience after handling calls like the ones you've had. My first code that we lost was a 6yr old girl and that was extremely tough on me. I couldn't sleep or eat for days and I cried some. For the first day, it as all that ran through my mind. I'm thankful that members here were very supportive. They all offered to talk to me one on one if I wanted to, always asked me if I was going to be okay, and just left me alone when I went to the bunks to sit in the dark or out front to just look at the mountains. When we have major MCIs, sometimes a counselor is brought in for a few days. I think that you should do a couple things:
1. Try to get some sleep and keep eating normally. Don't let this consume you.
2. Don't get desensitized, but don't let every call get to you. You'll literally go insane.
3. ALWAYS remember that there are better calls. There are happy endings and patients do walk back out of the hospital.
4. Don't blame yourself for every code gray. Everyone dies in time and sometimes you can't control when they go.
5. Talk to people. Talking to family and friends isn't always easy though. You must remember patient confidentiality and HIPPA laws and they may not understand. If you can, talk to someone you trust down at your rescue squad who has dealt with this before. They can relate and give you good advice.
6. Never give up. You can't ride on the highs of the job, but you can't get stuck in the lows either. Everything passes in time and you just have to keep going.

Anyways, I hope this has helped. I know how you feel and many people on here do as well. What you feel is normal and things do get better and you can look forward to that. Stay strong. ^_^

[emt161]

talk to someone in your department that has been on the job for 30+ years and has seen it all. they will give you some advice. sorry about the bad start.

Since this was LAST YEAR, I think s/he has probably figured out what to do by now. :rolleyes:

[CFC33]

hang in there man i know what your going dealing if i have lost a few people i had a fire were we lost 3 kid about 2 months ago and im still trying to deal with it

[gamedic8571]

EMT7489

I know how ya feel man. I worked a pediatric drowning 4 years ago when I was in EMT school. I still remember it vividly. I remember the kid looked just like my nephew. I could not sleep for several nights, and I almost quit after that. Glad I did not, because I have enjoyed this career. Remember, you cant save em all, but talk to people about it. Find out who does your stress debriefing. EMS and Fire is filled with folks who pride themselves on being tough, but sometimes you need to talk about things. Yes, it will hurt, and the day something like that does not bother you, WALK AWAY FROM THIS BUSINESS!!!!! You are human, and you do care about others to some degree or you would not be in this field. I have seen life end and begin in the back of the truck. The ones you do save make the ones you lose hurt less. It will get better with time, but just hang in there man. Good luck, and if you keep getting good calls like this, you will be seasoned in no time. Take care, man. If you wanna talk, PM me.

[rc3ls]

I have seen people at their worse while working with our paramedics and EMT"s, not close to death, but the good thing, is that we can get them good care in our ambulance and get them the hospital and get them advanced care and that make a whole world of difference to me and hang in there, being in this field is not easy, but is rewarding helping people.

[VentMedic]

This is also another area where education is lacking for EMS providers. Other health care providers at the hospitals (higher level of care) have been prepared at least in the processes of death, grieving and coping mechanisms for families and staff, and how to counsel families as well as patients. This not only applies to death but also when someone suffers a disability that dramatically changes their life. Sometimes that is even harder to deal with as the emotions will surface many times during their hospital stay.

However of course, it still takes experience to become a good bedside health care provider in times of sorrow. Hospital employees will see the injured, ill and the dying from many EMS agencies each day. It is not unusual for a city hospital to have at many as 6 or more codes in their ED in one 8 hour shift. Trauma center staff will see numerous patients with life changing events each shift. A 20 bed pediatric ICU may see a death each day or watch many of those 20 patients suffer each day. The same goes for the staff members of a pediatric onocology floor. Staff in OB must help patients through the loss of a child at birth and unfortunately in the U.S. infant mortality is higher. It is not that these health care providers have stopped caring but rather they know that death will be part of their job occasionally. Health care is not always a lot of fun and unlike some going into EMS, others do know the job involves some difficult patient care situations when they sign up for their programs. They also have enough clinical time to see how they react to certain situations and seek out advice from their educators. Clinical time for EMS eduation is way too short and often the preceptors/instructors are ill prepared themselves. Other health care professions are also better prepared to understand what is out of their control. Too often EMT(P)s are given a few pieces of equipment or a few meds and told if you do all this, everything will be okay. That is a failing of the EMS education systems.

The important thing is to remember is that you are there for the patient. It is not your emergency. You should be adequately educated, trained and prepared to help the patient and their families through their time of need. If you make the scene all about you then it will eat you alive.