A question

[Fairyqueen]

I would like imput

A few years ago, I had the misfortune of running a 2 year old who had been hit by a speeding truck. He was obviously dead with a very graffic, crush injury to the head and face. This happened infront of his home. When mom arrived, she was justifiably very emotional. At one point she requested to see her child. Here is the problem.

At the time I was reluctant to let her see him. It was one of the most destrubing injuries to the head/face I has seen and that it was a child seemed to make it more so. My thought was, as a mother myself, I would not want the last memory of my child to be that vision. I never said no to the mother. The child was covered not more than 5 feet away and I did not restrain her in any way. I enlisted the help of a calm family member to try and explain that this was not a good idea.

Yesterday, the mother contacted my supervisor and stated she wanted an apologe from me for not letting her say goodbye to her child. She said that in the years since this happened, she has not had closure. My questions are, (1)should I have let the mother see the child? (2) Should I have to write the letter?

I believe I did the right thing. (sorry for any typo or mis spelled)

[DaSharkie]

1) No. There is a difference between seeing a loved one having CPR performed on them in a controlled environment of an ED room........and seeing their 2 year old's fractured skull, face, and other bones, bleeding, unresponsive, limp, and dead in the middle of a freaking street. I would have done the same thing. This lady would then have the last memory of whatever the hell that kid looked like after the incident, not the last memory being a happy kid playing in the yard.

2) I would not write the letter. I do not apologize for things that I do that I do not believe to be wrong. If I feel that I did nothing wrong, then I do not have anything to apologize for. If you do this, there are also potential civil litigation issues that need to be considered (though very unlikely.) Remember, if anything involves care of a child, you can be sued - civilly - up to the point of that child having turned 21.

Just my own thoughts.

[croaker260]

Regarding DaSharkies COmments:

#1- Pretty much agree there.

#2- The less said the better. If she has held on to this grief for two years (sad but understandable) and in turn has fixated that grief on you and your single action.....a letter isnt going to suddenly bring her closure. However, writting a simple, vauge, non admittance of guilt letter is perfectly appropriate and easily seen as you trying to help the taxpaying member of the public as best you can.

Something like:


Dear Ms. Taxpayer,

I am the paramedic that responded to that unfortunate and tragic accident involving you son/daughter on XX/XX/ 200X. Since that time, this remains on of the most tragic moments in my career, and I am so very sorry for your loss.

I have come to understand that you have had difficulty obtaining closure following the death of XX. If you feel that my recomendation that you not see the remains of your child on scene is a part of that, I am sorry for that as well. I hope you understand that my recommendation was based on the extreeme and graphic nature of XX's injuries, and was in no way malicious nor spiteful.

Again I am sorry for your loss, and and hope that this letter helps you find some small measure of peace. Me and my agency remain in your service if there is anything we can do.

Paramedic XX

[payrs_medic]

Yes, it is alway difficult to loose a loved one and even harder still not to say goodbye.
What I have done on several occasions when the family asks to see their loved one. I inform them that the person has sustained severe injuries and that He/She does not look the way they remember Him/Her, and the last look they have of the person will be what they wwill remember for the rest of their lives. i then ask them if it is what they want to remember, if their reply is yes then I let them.
They have then been prepared emotionally for whet they might see.

[fly5650]

Evertime i have encountered such a situation i have had the luck of having a police officer on scene that deals with it. I would never want to see the remains of a friend or family member killed in a traumatic accident, but maybe it is because we (emsers) know the indellible imprint that such a sight makes in our memories.

As for the letter: I do not think that it is appropriate for you to write a personal letter to the family, we have a job to do and can not let the emotions of others impact our personal lives. If your supervisor thinks that it is necessary to give some type of response maybe a letter should be from the agency; but to have it from you would be enough evidence for the mother to place guilt on you which you are not responsible for.

[emt12]

i think you should do whatever you think is right. if you think you should write the letter,then you should. if you dont think you should, get her phone number and call her. tell her what you think. me being a man, i would have wanted to talk to her face to face. not trying to be sexist, but that is what i would have done.